You have your period, your partner wants it, but the idea of blood completely turns you off. Or you want it, but your partner finds it "dirty." The moral is that you deprive yourself of intimacy for one week a month, or 25% of your sex life. That's a lot, right? Yet, sex isn't just about vaginal penetration. And besides, even outside of menstruation, 81,6% of women don't reach orgasm through penetration alone.
This article gives you concrete alternatives for maintaining intimacy, desire, and pleasure during your period, without resorting to penetration. From prolonged foreplay to oral sex to mutual masturbation, we explain everything you can do to maintain a fulfilling sex life, even during your period.
⚡ What we're going to tell you (to avoid searching)
Why Penetration Isn't the Center of Sex
Let's start by deconstructing a persistent belief: sex without penetration isn't really sex. False. Absolutely false. Society has always conditioned us to associate sexuality with vaginal penetration, but this view is extremely limited and focused on male pleasure.
The numbers that change everything
A major 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, involving more than 1,000 American women, found:
- Only 18,4% of women can achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone
- 36,6% of women NEED clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during penetration
- 36% more say that clitoral stimulation greatly enhances the experience
- In the end, 81,6% of women cannot achieve orgasm through penetration alone
In other words : For 8 out of 10 women, penetration is not the royal road to orgasm. This is normal. It's even the norm. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) and it's located outside the vagina. It makes sense that it needs direct attention.
Mental Blocking of Periods: Dirty or Natural?
Many couples avoid intimacy altogether during their periods. The reasons are numerous: fear of staining, embarrassment around blood, feeling "less desirable," and cultural beliefs that it's dirty or dangerous. Let's sort out the facts from the lies.
💡 The real problem : It's not the blood that's the problem; it's the cultural taboo surrounding it. In some cultures, menstruating women are still considered "impure." These archaic beliefs subconsciously influence our relationship with sexuality during menstruation.
💋 Can You Have Sex During Your Period (Myths & Facts) →
12 Alternatives to Penetrative Sex During Your Period
Enough about blockages, let's move on to concrete solutions. These alternatives work during your period, but also at any point in your cycle if you want to diversify your sex life.
1. Foreplay as the Main Course
Stop calling it "foreplay." Deep kisses, full-body caresses, sensual massages—these are sex in their own right. Take your time. Explore the less obvious erogenous zones: the back of the neck, the inner thighs, the breasts, the stomach, the buttocks.
✅ Why it works : You build anticipation, sexual tension. The pleasure builds gradually. Some women can even reach orgasm just from caresses and kisses, without genital stimulation.
2. Mutual Masturbation
You masturbate at the same time, next to each other or facing each other. You look at each other, you touch each other elsewhere, you kiss. It's extremely erotic and intimate. Bonus: you learn how the other person likes to be touched.
💡 Tip : If she is afraid of blood, she can keep her Period Panties on or use a tampon/cup. External clitoral stimulation only, no insertion required.
3. Manual Clitoral Stimulation
The clitoris is accessible from the outside. Your partner can caress you over your period panties or with a tampon/cup inserted. Using circular motions, from top to bottom, from right to left, find the rhythm that makes you vibrate.
✅ Data : 36,6% of women need this stimulation to reach orgasm. It is the technique with the best effort/result ratio.
4. Cunnilingus (Yes, It's Possible)
If your partner doesn't mind blood, cunnilingus during your period is perfectly possible. The clitoris remains accessible. Options: in the shower, with a tampon/cup, or focusing only on the external clitoris.
⚠️ Attention : Slightly increased risk of STI transmission through blood-to-blood contact. If non-exclusive relationship, use a dental dam (latex square) or reschedule.
5. Fellatio
While you're on your period, your male partner can give you oral sex. You get pleasure from giving pleasure. Combine it with manual stimulation or a sex toy for yourself if you're so inclined.
6. Erotic Massage
Use a sensual massage oil. Start with a classic massage of the back, shoulders, and legs. Then gradually move toward the erogenous zones: inner thighs, buttocks, and breasts. Let the tension build.
💡 Bonus : Massage relieves menstrual cramps. Massage the lower back and stomach in circular motions; this relaxes the uterus.
7. Sex Toys (External Vibrators)
An external vibrator (such as a Satisfyer, Womanizer, or a traditional vibrator) stimulates the clitoris without penetration. Use it alone or with your partner. Some models are remote-controlled, so your partner can adjust the intensity.
8. Friction (Outercourse)
Naked bodies against each other, back-and-forth movements, but without penetration. The penis rubs against the vulva, thighs, stomach, and buttocks. This can lead to ejaculation for him and clitoral orgasm for her.
💡 Recommended position : Spoon (lying on your side, him behind). He can stimulate your clitoris with his hand at the same time.
9. Shallowing (Superficial Penetration)
Shallowing involves limiting penetration to the first 2-3 centimeters of the vagina, where most of the nerve endings are located. Less contact with menstrual flow, more stimulation of the vaginal opening and clitoris. 70% of women surveyed say it improves their experience.
10. Sexting and Verbal Games
Excitement begins in the brain. Exchange erotic messages, tell each other your fantasies, and describe what you'd like to do. You can also listen to erotic audio together or play sex card games to explore your desires.
11. External Anal Stimulation
No anal penetration (unless you want it), but caresses and stimulation around the anus. This area is rich in nerve endings. 40% of women enjoy external caresses of this area. Go slowly, use lubricant, and communicate.
12. Sex in the Shower
Hot water relaxes, blood goes straight down the drain, you don't see a thing. Caresses, manual stimulation, oral sex, anything is possible in the shower. Be careful of safety (don't slip), use a non-slip mat.
The Little-Known Benefits of Period Sex
Beyond maintaining intimacy, having sex during your period has real benefits, even without penetration.
Scientifically proven benefits
✅ Relief from menstrual cramps
Orgasm releases endorphins, natural pain-relieving hormones. The uterine contractions caused by orgasm can also speed up blood flow and shorten the duration of menstruation.
✅ Often higher libido
Many women experience peaks in desire during their periods due to hormonal fluctuations and increased blood flow to the pelvic area. Take advantage of this.
✅ Natural lubrication
If you do decide to have intercourse, menstrual blood acts as a natural lubricant. Less dryness, more comfort.
✅ Strengthened emotional connection
Feeling desired and accepted even during your period strengthens your relationship. You show yourself vulnerable, and your partner accepts you as you are.
How to Talk to Your Partner
The biggest obstacle to period sex isn't blood or pain; it's lack of communication. A study of over 2,000 people found that only 60% of couples openly discuss their sex lives. Yet those who do communicate report significantly higher sexual satisfaction.
How to approach the subject
1. Pick the right time : Not in bed, not during your period. A quiet moment, fully clothed, in a neutral context. For example, during a meal or a walk.
2. Talk about your desires, not your criticisms : "I would like to have privacy even during my period" rather than "You never touch me when I have my period."
3. Propose concrete alternatives : "We could try petting, a massage, or just touching each other." Give some ideas, don't be vague.
4. Listen to each other's blockages : Your partner may be afraid of blood, STIs, or simply have a very rigid upbringing. Listen without judging.
5. Test gradually : Start with activities without direct blood contact (massage, mutual masturbation). If it goes well, progress to more.
🚫 If your partner categorically refuses
Respect their boundaries. You can't force someone to move past visceral disgust. However, you can ask for other forms of intimacy (cuddling, non-sexual massages, moments of tenderness). If it's really weighing on you, talk to a sex therapist or couples therapist.
Practical Tips for Staying Comfortable
If you decide to take the plunge, a few practical tips will help you avoid stress and hassle.
Comfort Protection During Your Period
Our Period Panties keep you dry during cuddles, massages, and non-penetrative caresses. Comfortable, absorbent, and sexy.
Frequently Asked Questions About Non-Penetrative Sex
Do you still want to try with penetration?
If blood doesn't put you off and you want to have penetrative sex during your period, we'll explain everything (precautions, positions, advantages and disadvantages)
🩸 Instructions for Penetration During Menstruation →Rethink Sex, Not Just During Periods
Non-penetrative sex isn't a plan B; it's a true form of pleasure. Caresses, rubbing, massages, clitoral stimulation, or oral sex—all these practices foster intimacy without embarrassment or taboo.
If your period is a problem because of the blood, start with non-contact practices. Talk to your partner, experiment, and adjust. The most important thing is shared pleasure, without pressure or obligation.
Sources & References
This article is based on recent scientific studies and data published in peer-reviewed journals.
- Herbenick D, Fu TC, Arter J, Sanders SA, Dodge B. (2018). Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a US Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530
- Shirazi T, Renfro KJ, Lloyd E, Wallen K. (2018). Women's Experience of Orgasm During Intercourse: Question Semantics Affect Women's Reports and Men's Estimates of Orgasm Occurrence. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. DOI: 10.1007/s10508-017-1079-1
- Lloyd EA. (2005). The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution. Harvard University Press.
- Kontula O, Miettinen A. (2016). Determinants of female sexual orgasms. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology. DOI: 10.3402/snp.v6.31624
- Richters J, de Visser RO, Badcock PB, et al. (2014). Masturbation, paying for sex, and other sexual activities: The Second Australian Study of Health and Relationships. sexual health. DOI: 10.1071/SH14116
Note: DOI links provide direct access to the original scientific publications. This article was written in accordance with current medical knowledge.
Medical Warning: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you have any questions about your sexual health, consult a gynecologist, midwife, or sexologist.
